June Ator

June 20, 1998

Today, I had an opportunity to have a long over due heart to heart visit with my mother.

It has only been a few weeks since she was diagnosed with having cancer of the oral cavity, and already it is spreading like a wild fire in heavy winds. After having been seen by a couple of civilian specialist, she decided she wanted to get another opinion, but this time from the Army. For three days this past week, she was poked at, squeezed on, talked to and counciled by 11 different doctors at Brookes Army Medical Center (BAMC) in San Antonio, Texas.

The cancer is a squamous cell carcinoma, the fastest spreading, most deadly form of cancer and she has only two options.

1. Have surgery and hope her life can be extended a year or two, or

2.. Pretend the cancer is not there and try to enjoy the remaining six months or less of her life.

On Wednesday of this past week, the decision she made was to have the surgery on June 26th. Not just any simple surgery mind you, but an extensive series of surgeries, which will forever change her life. She will have to give up four things that will be very difficult to let go of.
1. Eating Sausage, biscuits and gravy for breakfast
2. Smoking
3. Beer
4. Fussing at her family

She wont be able to eat because a portion of her left jaw will be removed, along with her upper palate, part of her tongue, and part of her nasal cavity. To keep her from starving to death, she will have a feeding tube surgically inserted into her stomach.
She wont be able to talk for a minimum of six weeks. She will have a tracheotomy which will become her only breathing apparatus until her nasal cavity heals. To sum it all up, she will be disfigured until a prosthesis can be inserted to replace the portion of her jaw that is being removed, (January maybe), and she will never again be able to enjoy solid foods. If all goes well, by late August or early September, she will undergo a series of radiation treatments to help prevent the cancer from returning.

On August 20th she will turn 70, and it makes one wonder why someone would put themselves through such an ordeal at that age. My answer, it beats the hell out of the alternative! I wanted to make sure mom felt she was making the right decision and boy did her answer catch me off guard. "Well Sis", she says to me, "I've got the utmost confidence in the doctors at BAMC. I'm going to beat this and that's all there is to it!" Before I could respond, she followed with this statement. "BAMC is a training facility and it's one of the best. If they can't save me, maybe they can learn from my surgery and go on to save someone else. I'm doing it to save others."

Wow! Just how does a daughter respond to such a profound statement?

She went on to tell me that she does not want anyone feeling sorry for her. She feels she has had a good life and when her time comes, she'll be ready to go. It bothers her when her friends approach her, and say "I'm so sorry June for what your going through". It actually makes her angry. She said she knows she has done this to herself due to the years of smoking and nobody should feel sorry for her. "I know I should have quit years ago, but I didn't so now I must pay the piper."

I hesitated, but knew I had to ask the unthinkable question. Mom, if something should happen, what are your wishes? She responded with enthusiasm to my question, as if she was hoping I would ask. "I want to be cremated." "I want my Veterans' marker, that I earned, placed at Evergreen Cemetery, but I don't want a funeral." "I want a flag on my marker, and when your dad passes on, I want my ashes to be buried at sea with him."

At this point, I was pretty choked up. Not because of the topic, but because of the love she feels for my father. They have been partners in life for 42 years and she wants to be with him for eternity.

She is a remarkable woman, and I am so very proud to be her daughter. The months ahead are not going to be easy for her, nor the rest of the family. Dad is having a difficult time accepting that the woman he loves so much, and refers to as "his bride", is suffering due to cancer. He's doing all that he can to put up a front when around mom, but she sees through his toughness, and knows that he is going to suffer right along with her.

We ended our conversation by planning a shopping outing. She's going to need some clothes that will make life with a feeding tube in her stomach a bit more tolerable, and I know just the place to go.

Look out Wal-Mart, here we come!!!

August 1, 1998

Mom had here surgery on June 26th and has been doing everything in her power to prove the doctors wrong. They were successful at removing all of the cancer, with minimal disfigurement. Mom is doing so fantastic. She can talk, and even eat small portions of scrambled eggs. I am so proud of her and the progress she has made! On Aug. 12th she will begin a series of radiation treatments to destroy any dormant cancer cells that might be lurking around her jaw and neck.
She said she was going to beat this thing, and she wasn't fooling around. She meant it with every fiber of her being and I believe it is this strong determination of hers that has helped with the healing process.

I love you Mom!

Update

December 9th, 1998

Mom had a cat scan last week and from all results she appears to be cancer FREE!!! She is tolerating solid foods a little better, but still dependent on the feeding tube. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he has really blessed us this Christmas!

Update

December 5, 1999

It has been a year and a half since mom's surgery and she is still CANCER FREE. She has opted not to have reconstructive surgery on her face, and I can't say as I blame her. She really looks good and it is difficult to tell she is missing her lower left jaw. She speaks clearly and has become accustom to her stomach feeding tube. She can take some things orally, such as liquids and even a bite or two of mashed potatoes every now and then.

Mom is the strongest person I know. She has fought her battle  with pride, grace and dignity and showed the world that you can beat cancer if you have good doctors and a strong will.

Words could never express how proud I am of her, so I just make a point of telling her how much I love her......everyday!

Update

June 26, 2000
The two year mark!!!!!
My mom is so amazing! She continues to remain cancer FREE, and is doing all that she can to enjoy life. Latest medical reports are excellent, and the Dr's remain amazed at how well she has managed her life. Mom continues to be an inspiration to her children, grandchildren and everyone she comes in contact with. I have come to believe that the power of the mind can be greater than the will of any disease. Watching my mother over the last 2 years has been both tragic and wonderful. She made the personal choice to look death in the face and fight the cancer with every fiber of her being. By doing so, she not only kicked cancer in the ass, but taught those of us around her that by looking within ourselves for strength, courage and determination, anything can be overcome.
Perhaps this is the same lesson she always tried to teach her children as we were growing up, but it has taken me 35 years to hear the message.

Actually, over the years, I have come to realize how much my mother has really taught me about life, living and happiness. As small children we expect our parents to guide us; as teenagers we just wish they would get out of our way and let us learn on our own. It is only as adults that we finally begin to realize what great teachers our parents really are.I am ever so grateful for the lessons she has taught me, and for the ones she continues to teach me daily.

On August 11, 2000 at 1:30 pm, mom will be sitting in the university auditorium as her youngest child (age 35) receives a college degree. Knowing both of my parents will be there watching will make me the proudest student to ever walk across that stage!

I love you mom!!